これは薆ですか？

私は誰？ 誰か私の事を好きですか？

答えは考えましたです。。。じゃ答えは？ ないです。。。この人生は本当に悲しいって。。。

I have thought of it, many times... And still no answer presents itself.

It's no point denying, so I'll admit it. I feel lonely and would like a partner. Yet when a so called prospect comes along. I feel nothing but disdain, my likelihood of rejecting that prospect is very high.

Maybe it's because i live in both spectrum. And maybe more. And maybe its because of this that i tend to understand the workings of the mind, i cannot help, but feel distrustful.

Fact is, that is not the only problem, I understand that I have a very huge pride, and that I'm egotistical. I don't think anyone is good enough. Nor do I trust anyone.

I don't know if it's because of the way I grew up, or if it is my views of earth and it's inhabitants, or the fact that I am actually very afraid to feel pain, or if it's my refusal to take risks.

I know that if i loved. I would love completely. And that I would get very hurt, if it doesn't work out. It is inevitable when it comes to love, i understand that very well, and as people have said, if I don't put myself out there I will never know. I'll just keep waiting for the so called right one that does not exist. The one that will never hurt me, does not exist. Yet I cannot help my tendency to reject....

I understand there is no perfect one or right one. There is only the almost perfect or right one, and they are only so, because you made them so.

I'm cynical, and I view the world with suspicious eyes. Finding it difficult to trust humans, or wanting to enjoy their company for an extended duration of time.

I guess there is no choice but to continue threading this lonely path. Sigh....

-ケイ-