Grief

A few days ago, a friend said I was strong, he probably meant it as a compliment, and couldn't get the hint when I told him I wasn't strong because I wanted to be, and I would like to be weak once in a while, it's tiring being strong, and he kept stupidly insisting that Japan had made me strong.

I should have told him that people like me don't take that as compliments, rather it's burdensome. But I guess I missed my chance...

I seriously think that people who have no talent in reading people or not much talent in reading people, or who has never seriously experienced grief before, should just stop talking. Even if you have experienced grief before, everyone's grief is different. 

So stop spouting nonsense, you are not being there for the person who is grieving, rather you make it sound like you are the one that is grieving. Please do not expect a grieving person to comfort you, they already have enough on their plate as it is. 

It's like telling a patient dying of cancer "I understand". Here is a piece of advice, you understand nothing unless you are the one dying from cancer okay? Well even if you were once a patient dying of cancer, what you and the other person feels is totally different. We all go through different life experiences which moulds us.

It's not easy dealing with a grieving person, but you don't have to say anything to a grieving person. Just being by their side is enough. 

And if people like that want to talk, they should look up on how to deal with people who are going through grief, and hopefully have the sense of mind to apply what they have learnt. 

-ケイ-

Thinking Back...

I wonder if you could be considered my first love?

It's been more than 10 years and from time to time you still invade my mind.

Are you someone who slipped away or did I really love you?

It may be embarrassing that someone my age still doesn't know what love between a man and a woman is.

So I sit and think, is what I feel or perhaps felt for you love?

The Love between a man and a woman?

But I am unsure, what this feeling is.

I remember crying the last time I saw you.

You were with someone else.

I just felt sad, but I wasn't sure if it was because of you.

Sometimes I feel like I missed out.

If we had acted differently then, what would now be like?

From your actions then I guess we could safely say that our feelings was mutual, was it not.

I guess maybe you are my regret?

Is that why I still remember you even now?

If I had not let go of your hand at that time, what would have happened?

If I had asked to be left alone with you that night, would we have talked and would things have been different?

Could we still be happily together now?

At random times, I still think of you, whereas I'm sure you have forgotten about me.

Totally and completely.

I feel that is so unfair.

That I am suffering alone.

But I can't help myself, no matter how one sided this is, I don't know what to do.

Although I've not seen you for years, I still think of you, that's why thinking back, I wonder, are you my First Love, The One That Got Away, or My Regret?


-夢見ケイ-

何でかな

I'm flying to Kobe tonight for a week. My employers have basically pimped me off to their Japanese acquaintance. Well most people have told me to take it as a working holiday. 

But that aside, I don't know why I'm so upset that I'm crying..... 

I just feel so sad and lonely. Is it because I've hurt my back and I've been home alone these last 4 days? Or because I don't want to leave my precious? I wonder why....

ーケイー