Well....

Today my dad in his irritation with me of not bothering to keep track of my finances or more like the number if bank accounts he has, those joint ones with me for emergencies in case something happens to my parents said. 

"Giving birth to me was useless"

Huh, well i know he was just speaking without thinking but it still wasn't very nice to hear. And it makes me feel sad. 

Honestly in my own house I feel like I'm staying at a homestay of some sort. The allowance I pay being my lodging fee. It's a very nice homestay though. 

If you bring your laundry down to the laundry room, it will get done. Meals are prepared for you, if you are around to partake in them. 

But cleaning your own room is your responsibility, yes please vacuum, mop and dust your own room please. 

Internet, water and electricity is all provided. Sounds like a great place for the "price" you pay. 

But what makes it home and not a homestay is the warmth you get from it. Like take yesterday for example dad cooked dinner early on purpose for me as I had to go out for class. 

The piano is always tuned even though I don't play it much anymore. That's what makes it home. And I guess that's one of the reasons I plough through to get through another day and go on living and to keep looking for that silver lining. 

-ケイ-

You still affect me

By right this year would mark the tenth year since I last saw you, I think. I recently heard that you are now working overseas. Whether you will come back, it's not something I'm privy to...

And even though I've not seen you for a decade. Even though I have absolutely no idea how you look like now, or how you act now, in fact you could even say that i don't even know you now. Not like I knew you very well ten years ago...

Yet every time your birthday comes along and I remember. Every time a common friend or acquaintance of ours mention you. I realized that you still affect me. 

And that is so damned unfair. 

Please let me go. I've done what I can to let you go, now I need you to let go... And you know what? I bet you would answer, "I was never holding on to you in the first place"...

How does one fully let go? Sigh

ーケイー