i just realised today, or maybe i realised it a long time ago, but was in denial - and since today was one of those days of truth.... it came out.....
my parents treat me like they treat the dog.... no disrespect or anything.. my little pooch is a spoilt little brat mind you, with a good life.. he gets good food and what not... but you see, he gets the basic of what he needs...
his food, his daily walks, the once a year visit to the vet for his vaccinations, his vitamins... but those are just.. how do you put it? i don't know how to describe it...
do my parents actually really coddle/cuddle him, or play fetch with him? they don't... not at all... all they do is ensure he is fed, he has his walks and sees the doctor when the need arises.. (if it's other than the yearly visit to the vet, there's actually a lot of grumbles on how troublesome and expensive he is)...
you know it's exactly just that.. you take in a dog, and the responsible thing is to make sure he is fed and has a proper living environment, he gets his walks to do his business.. that's it.. just a responsibility.. and when you are tired of that responsibility... it's a burden......
like humans, dogs require the loving care.. of sitting close.. carrying him.. contact with his person... petting... playing a game of fetch, or find the treat.... or have some refresher course in his basic training.. he needs contact....
he doesn't get it... neither do i... i'm just a "responsibility" they have to take care off.. now that i'm all grown up and working... that's it.. whatever happened to tender loving care...
ironically when the humans want some love they go to you, the dog and expect you to wag your tail and be happy to see them. you have to give them what they want, and yet, they don't give you any tender loving care, unless and when and if they feel like it, which is not often.. no wonder dogs don't live that long!
you know, it would be nice in situations when you've fallen down.. two strong arms carry you up... or if you come home crying with a scrapped knee.... someone to blow on the wound and say.. everything will be alright..
all these were done... on certain occasions by my siblings, (mostly my sister.. my brother was never really much of a brother at all..) and if not them... myself... it was really lonely.. and now that i'm all grown up it hasn't changed... with no siblings - i'm on my own... (not to say that my siblings bother much anyway now since they have their own life)
how do you expect me to love myself if i don't feel the love? i don't know how to love myself....
−「ケイ」−
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